2002
When I could walk again
they pretended to identify
but their eraser heads weren't worn
and their thoughts and words were soft and dull
like Bill Cosby pudding ads
when a eulogy was in order
Before
I always figured
the space
I felt
was just the hallmark
of a cynical man
Yeah man, they said
know just what you're saying
so glad to see you
no, we didn't whisper about you
in your absence
like some crazy vietnam uncle
with his balls blown off
(how does he fuck)
like some acid casualty hippy
(I hear he's scared of clouds)
we cared
(I hear he's hiding)
really
thats why
we never called
They've never burned alive
chemical brained and utterly hopeless in the night
like a six month steel mill accident that will not end
and a gut full of fire
they wouldn't have survived the ride
I now know exactly what
an old acquaintance saw
before he strung himself up
i hear they left him too
but i didn't quit
I pulled myself back
by my fucking teeth
over life's dim wreckage
to find you all here dumb & grinning
so now,
how close are we really then
how close are we really
how close are we
how close
fall down
not gentle, but hard
to find out where and how you matter
to whom and why
their absence will say
you were set dressing
another rail guided
cardboard best-buddy, brother, or sister
so easily replaced at weddings
so easily replaced
so easily
so
if we were all so very connected
how is it possible
this unlaughing alien
lay alone and unconscious on a subway car floor
huddled terrified
while you all slept full bellied and oblivious
in your various elsewhere
with the marrow of life on your chins