iSuicide
I would like to pen a thoughtful treatise on the iPhone, its impact on the time-space continuum, as well as a contemplative expose on the possibility this device could utterly transcend sentience. After this, I'd like to lather up Steve Jobs with a light almond scented bath oil, at which point Steve would look my way and I, befuddled with lust, would...
.......IT IS JUST A FUCKING PHONE!
I hear some thinking: "Well, yeah, the press is a little much but you know AT&T's market position could be drastically impacted by the fact that..."
No, it's a fucking phone.
"It's not really that simple. You see the touch screen combined with Apple's aesthetic touch as well as the newly extended battery life creates a unique device that..."
No, my friend. it's a fucking phone.
I think the vast majority of the press (even the ones pretending to be skeptical but penning ten page advertisements anyway) have gone completely insane.
If they're short on story ideas, how about a piece on how the press gets hijacked and turned into blathering idiots by certain companies, or a nice piece on the need to pen redundant hit-getting pieces instead of covering something that actually has some deep technological ramifications like, oh, franchise reform.
If mankind put the same effort into collective cultural improvements as we do talking about inane shit like the iPhone, we'd all be immortal omniscient beings of feral white light, in a pulsing static state of eternal orgasmic bliss.
Ok, that's bullshit, but we'd at least be driving vehicles capable of getting 70MPG, and making films of a higher quality than You, Me & Dupree.
Pull yourselves together.